Waiting for the editor…

There is, for me, a simple rule I must abide by to maintain the optimal level of sanity. Specifically: keep creating. This means that I should work on something creative always, be that a personal project, a book, a script, etc.

I do fairly well at following my own creative rule except during one very specific and important juncture. When I’ve completed my first draft and have sent it off to the editor. Now, editing is insanely important. The level of emotional expression and depth the work evolves into out of the editing process is monstrous. Editing cannot be skipped or hurried along.

HOWEVER, during the time the work is with the editor, I twiddle my thumbs and become ever more anxious with each passing day, hour, moment. I become reduced to a Quasimodo-esq character, hunched over my keyboard, checking my email every ten minutes, seconds to see if my editor has gotten the work back to me yet. And each time I am left disappointed because while my editor has given me a very reasonable timeline of two weeks, I am never unexpectedly surprised to find the editor having gotten back to me sooner. Much sooner, as sometimes the fervent checking of the email begins just hours after having sent it off.

WHY?

I’ve asked myself the same question and I’ve concluded that I’ve chosen creative expression through writing as my coping mechanism for generalized anxiety and when I cannot do it in the way that I feel is “enough” (whatever that means—it changes depending on the day), that pesky little anxious habit of mine comes creeping back in, slowly at first, until I’m all consumed by it.

The last time this feeling sank its diseased teeth into me, I ripped them from my flesh through the act of beginning another book. Well, that book has been written, and sent off, and another project replaced it again—a script. Well again, that script has been written, and sent off, and now I wait for not one, but two projects back.

Now what? Do I start yet another project and forget about the consequences of what could happen when suddenly two edited projects come back, and I’m in the creation stage of a third, and I can’t devote my full attention to the edits of the original two? Do I sound like a crazy person? That’s right. Because I am.

Or do I try to maintain my composure and busy myself with the ramblings of a blog post I can hide in the dark corners of my website that hopefully no one will ever venture into and read?  

A third option: wait patiently for the sleeping infant on your chest to wake. Feed her, change her, play with her—go full mom-mode while I let the babbles in her voice and the gummy smiles of her mouth sooth me. When she’s back to sleep the toddler will keep you company while she shares with you her toys and asks you for water, snacks, hugs and kisses. It’s easy to forget, as a writer who often disappears into the work, that my world outside of it is far more engaging and fuller of love.

My babies are waking now. Time to go full mom-mode.